Category Archives: Travel

A Note from the Field

There is something…special about the perspective you gain in the moment when, struggling to walk along the sheer edge of a bari, or rice paddy, in a monsoonal downpour, boots soaked with water and riddled with leeches, and panic rising into your throat as you contemplate yet another day of not finishing even a fraction of what you set out to accomplish, you are able to pull back, up, and away from your little personal tragedy, like a dramatic shot from a helicopter in a docu-drama, and see the bigger picture of where you are, what you’re doing, and why.  For me, yesterday, the big picture came into focus in almost the exact same moment as when I slipped off the sheer face of the bari, mud wall cascading down and flooding the plot I sought to circumnavigate, and fell into the six inch deep pool of rainwater, mud, and more than a few tadpoles and leeches it contained. Oh, for the love of god. What the hell am I doing here?

I wondered, in that precise moment, how exactly it had come to pass that someone so ordinary and (let’s be honest) in almost all ways unremarkable as myself came to be here in Nepal, having this epic adventure almost by accident, scaling bari walls, peeling off blood-swollen slugs, rain dripping in torrents down the length of my nose, datasheets tucked securely into a waterproof folder and under an armpit, in such a way which, were it put to film, would look like something straight out of National Geographic Adventure. Who am I that I thought I could do this? And why didn’t I ask National Geographic for funding??

If not National Geographic, at least, I and my dramatic fall from the rice paddy could probably qualify for a stint on National Geographic’s “Greatest Bloopers in the field,” were they ever to create that show.

As I extracted my right boot from the muddy water with a great sucking “sploosh!” and the displacement of more than a few fledgling rice seedlings, I saw with great clarity and more than a little bit of humility that in coming to Nepal I have found, and achieved, much more than I ever bargained for, or even ever contemplated in my wildest dreams. Even if I am only half done with my forest sampling. And even, in fact, were I never to complete any of my forest sampling. The point is I made it happen – I came, I saw, and I experienced. I was right in the middle of it, so vividly and all-consumingly engaged in the culture and the science that for awhile I stopped seeing what I was and being myself, and just got the work done. And I wondered, standing in six inches of soggy rice bari, if maybe that wasn’t the point, afterall.

We were rained out, in some manner or other, for three days this week, which felt a lot like the moment in softball right before you get hit by one of those wild windmill pitches that were so popular in high school, and yet so hard to throw. You see the ball is coming towards you and attempt to react and dodge it, but know deep down inside that the ball is going to hit you hard on one of the soft parts of your body, and leave a bruise. Most of the time when this happens, as I recall, you swing anyway.

So we swung away three days in a row, making the early morning trip to field sites, eating breakfast, getting all ready to go before having our plans crushed by the uncontrollable, by the weather. The first day we did all of the sampling in a forest called Puranapani (Old Waters) with the exception of three 10×10 meter plots, before we got rained out. We attempted to wait the rain out over tea, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t continue for three days, until this morning.

The second day we attempted a different forest, promising ourselves we’d return to Puranapani to finish in the early morning on our next “day off,” which is currently being pushed farther and farther away. This one was called Alaichibari Tin Khola Pari Pakha (which means something about the former Lychee plantation by the junction of three rivers), and were trumped by one of the rivers, which had swollen to a raging mass of gray water and tumbling stones. I felt mild trepidation at the size of the river, but was determined to cross it, until I turned around to see my entire team (which as I said, shifts personalities almost daily) huddled under umbrellas, ensconced in my raingear, and looking decidedly uninterested in crossing any river in that moment. As many Nepalis, including two of my regular assistants, can’t swim at all, I could somewhat empathize, but it was with great chagrin that I received word via Bina’s translation that the community forest president, a kind of contemporary village chieftain, was refusing to give me the support of any of his community members until the river waters went down. We weren’t going anywhere, and so instead I stood on the banks of the river, looking woefully across at the itty-bitty bit of forest we had hoped to sample (something like 10.63 hectares), and watched another storm, and more rain, roll in.

So we returned to the Hemja Rangepost from which we’d started, to regroup (as you may have noticed, we do a lot of regrouping in these parts), where after a long and circuitous conversation about potential alternatives, the forest guard offered to take us to one of my less accessible forests, Majuwa, where we could stay the night before beginning work early the next morning, rain hopefully notwithstanding.

I know I mentioned at the outset of my field research days that I was anticipating nights spent in the community forest villages, but there was a sort of – invisible barrier – preventing me from reaching this now overwhelmingly apparent-seeming conclusion, and from actually going to the community to take the data in the forests there. It took this Forest Guard looking me in the eye and asking me if I wanted to go (now?) to get me to actually articulate, and realize, that – yes – I do want to go now. Or at least, that I did.

What followed was stupidly expensive, exhausting, and productive. We three student-types rushed back to Pokhara to gather our things for the night, as the forest guard would only take us if we returned within two hours, in order to make the “two to three hour” hike in. Upon arriving we hurtled ourselves up the hill, until I began to drag behind a bit, and the pace slowed. We arrived at the community forest president’s home (a different cf president) in Majuwa in the early evening, and plopped ourselves down on the picnic table style bench set facing the modest shop that fronted his home, where we chatted like a bunch of casual hikers until the forest guard saw his opening, and asked if we could stay the night. It was that quick.

In Nepal, it is customary in the villages to be able to ask for a night’s lodging and food, without much eyebrow raising involved. It is difficult to get into and out of the villages, in many parts of the country, and monsoonal weather, bandhs (strikes), political unrest, landslides, and other uncontrollable events somewhat regularly necessitate a stay with people and families who are otherwise unknown. The Nepali habit of calling all older male family members “uncle” and the same of the women “aunt” means there is a much larger network of people who could generously be called one’s family, upon which a person can rely for lodging, but in the case that no one is known to you, you are not quite so out of luck as you would be in the good old U.S. of A.

So we knew we would find a place to sleep, but it is a strange thing to politely and conversationally invite yourself into someone else’s home, and to displace their teenage son from his room in the process. In the end, Bina and I took what was undoubtedly the nicer room in the two story, concrete slab constructed home, with two wooden bed platforms, upon which a mattress was constructed out of woven mats layered and then covered with the remnants of an old comforter – one so far gone and thin with wear that we in the US might be more likely to reserve it for the comfort and use of a pet than for people. The “mattress” was paired with a thick covering comforter, also made of old blankets folded into a kind of thin, cheap, and threadbare duvet cover of sorts. This kind of bed is fairly typical of Nepal, and despite the dramatic differences from what we are accustomed to in the States, it’s really quite comfortable. We had purchased a mosquito coil to burn on our way up the hill because the windows have permanent open slats at the top for ventilation, and it was thus that we spent the night. The young male student and the forest guard stayed in the little mud and brick house that was behind the building with the storefront, likely in similar accommodation but in a more traditional style of room.

Before dinner we walked down the hill to the forest’s edge with several important men of the community forest, who told us about the forest, it’s boundary, the number of strata (subdivisions made according to forest species composition, or management type), and provided other logistical information. Bina and our current student assistant were good about translating for me, and as we spoke little children seemed veritably to climb out of the bushes and down from the hills, until we were flanked by a little posse of children of all ages, twelve in number. They stood at our elbows and nosed into the circle to listen and peak at a map the cf treasurer was drawing, and a group of small girls stood at my right arm, running their fingers up and down my forearm as they admired the green glass choora I’m wearing at present, as this month in the Nepali calendar is a month in which women are especially reverent, and wear green glass bracelets for one of the female gods who cares for women, and red glass bracelets for the health, well-being, and good fortune of their husbands. I myself was gifted an armload of both red and green bracelets from a female Range Post staff member and so have been wearing them daily, but removed the red ones in a hurry after a male Nepali friend suggested that since I’m single, perhaps my red bracelets are ensuring the health, well-being, and good fortune of my ex-boyfriend! I’ll be having none of that, thank you very much.

And so the girls gigglingly perused my relatively pale white arms with their little tanned fingertips while I struggled to catch the details in Nepali, before making the trek back up the hill to kill time and wait for khana (dinner, or rice). While we were down there we had the community forest’s treasurer make a map of the forest and the different strata for us on a little piece of paper, something I’d like to explore the use of in future fieldwork. I’m interested in the relationship between what the community forestry members know or think is present, and what’s actually there, and have found so far (in a qualitative, not quantitative sense) that they are extremely accurate in their mapping, knowledgeable about their forests, and cognizant about the forest boundaries, despite their appearing to be one, big, contiguous forest to you or me. This indigenous knowledge is something we talked about a lot this last year at Yale, and it’s a compelling, fascinating element of understanding forest management, in my very recent experience.

After such a long and crazily energy intensive (but unproductive) day, we chowed down hard on dinner, and it was delicious. The food in the communities is generally produced by the family serving it, or by their neighbors, and you can taste the difference. I reveled in the delicious food, eaten in a smoky, mud-walled kitchen room in the back building while we were seated on the floor on little woven straw mats, Indian-style. The Nepali students eat their food extremely quickly, like it’s about to up and disappear in front of them, which is consistent with people throughout Nepal, from what I’ve seen. I attempted to the same once or twice, but found that all it made me want to do was burp, so have reverted to the slower, relish-the-moment style of American food consumption. Which means, of course, that when everyone else is finished slurping the last bits of Daal (lentils) out of their little metal bowl, I’m still sloppily scooping up wet bits of Daal Bhaat in my fingertips, achar and tarkaari mixed in for flavor.

On this night we went back to the room after dinner to chat a bit, and then retired early, anticipating an early morning of work to wrap the plot up promptly. I had brought the smaller of my two backpacking sleeping bags, which looked incredibly incongruous and synthetic in the very organic, rustic setting, but provided a soft, soothing, sense of home and comfort to me as I finished brushing the creepy crawlies off my bed. I love sleeping in a sleeping bag (and would do so all the time if that wouldn’t be such a weird thing for my friends to see!), so was glad to settle into the bag in the surprisingly chilly evening air, pulling the head part of the mummy bag up behind me and the sides close around my shoulders. I fell asleep in an instant, and awoke in the morning to the most delightful mountain chill (and copious amounts of fog) I’ve experienced in all of my time in Nepal. It was fantastic, and I dragged lethargically as I pulled myself from my sleep, reminding myself that it was my project we were there to do, after all.

What followed was a fairly productive, fairly enjoyable day in the forest, made more so by the community forest treasurer’s apparent interest in my research/me, and his funny, intrigued questions and thoughtful use of the English language in articulating them. The day passed almost effortlessly, in fact, and before I knew it we had wrapped up Majuwa community forest, had finished plucking a few lingering slimy leeches from our shins and toes, and were relishing one last delicious daal bhaat meal before tearing down the mountain, out to catch a bus and cruise back to Ban Campus, and home.

I wrote this post on July 30th after a long day in the field, but haven’t had a moment to do the editing since, which is why it’s only being posted now. I’m in Lakeside (again! I know, I know) for the day to do more data entry, in anticipation of our last, week-long blitz on the community forests of Nepal. By my count we are eight field days shy of done, and – please god – let those be some fiercely sun-shiney days. Eight days from now is one day after my personal deadline, and a little over a week from my departure flight, giving me some time to relax, explore the area some more, and maybe even have some fun(!)

I am awed by the pace of this experience, though, and by how much I’ve learned and how little I did, in terms of the original scale of my project (and the latter is not necessarily a bad thing). I knew it would need to be cut down in size and all-inclusiveness from the get-go, but find at the moment a certain wistfulness coming over me, a chagrin at all the good questions thus far left unanswered, and a hesitation to leave without doing so many of the academic, social, and recreation activities I aspired to, in my naïve early days in the country. At the same time I am pretty damn proud of my progress, how much I’ve learned, and even more so, how much I’ve seen. I don’t have any conclusive results, yet (in a personal sense), but I have a lot of new perspective, and anticipate taking some much-needed me time before heading back to the States, and determining my next direction and set of personal priorities.

I have two forests to go in terms of those that I absolutely must finish sampling, and four total. One is a tiny one-day affair, and the first two are sizeable. We’ll get them done, though, because where there’s a will, there’s a way, and I have nothing if not will power. In fact, some days I think I have nothing but willpower.

8 forests down, 4 to go, and 15 days (at absolute most) to get it all done in. 16 days to American food and my family and friends, 17 days to the beach, and 24 to Yale. I feel so content, so good, so ready. Let’s get this shizzle over with, eh?

Namaste,
-M-

Biha, Nepali Style

It all began with several meters of magenta pink gauze, adorned with a meandering line of golden thread, encrusted with hand embroidery and little shiny blue sequins, all stitched in together to mimic flowers and vines. Add one jumbly, bouncy-jouncy plane ticket, two arms worth of choraa (bangles), and spin. Slowly. While Kanchan’s mom wraps me in the most beautiful fabric I have ever seen. Gorgeous magenta. Tulle-like, almost a ballerina, without the big flouncy skirt. Gita efficiently and diligently tucks the top of the fabric into my petticoat, a small, plain skirt I happily wore as I secretly danced around Kanchan’s room, just the petticoat, the little tightly hooked top, size 8 high heels on size 10 feet, and me. I feel like a princess. A Nepali princess.

This is not the point, but this is where my recollection starts. I remember magenta gauze, and contemplations of love and marriage. Which, I’ll have you know, go together like a horse and carriage.

Sudarshan is getting married. Hitched, as it were. Sudarshan is my friend from Yale, a wonderful Nepali man who was one of several Nepali friends to help orient me to this country, his home. And now I am wrapped in pink gauze like a present sent straight from Barbie’s Dream House, and headed to his wedding. The world is so strange and wonderful. So  unpredictable.

Tuesday night at 8:18pm I get this text:
“Hi Meredith, i tried to call u but with no success. I got engaged n getting married on friday. U are invited for friday and saturday. I’ll call later for details.”

I am intrigued. Perplexed. Elated! A wedding! In Nepal? But wait – to whom?!

An arranged marriage, I find out Wednesday morning, as I struggle with the moral implications of scratching field plans for three more days. I am a bad scientist, I think, but a good friend. I will have to remember to tell my advisor that, if he asks.

These are three short days, I think. Damn – there will be no sari for me. I told Kanchan to get married so I could wear a sari to her wedding, but she is as yet unpersuaded. Now there is no time to have my own made, and I’m mildly (very mildly) chagrined. I’m an outdoorsy, tough-girl, feminist who really likes to dress up. But after I decide I can’t afford to miss this amazing event, to which I have been so kindly invited, I realize I must fly tomorrow, to attend on the next day, which means there is no time to have my princess dress custom stitched.

Chaos. Bits of research mingle with a trip to Bagar at the other end of Pokhara – “Rekhadidi can I borrow a sari?” Tiny Rekha and I are optimistic until I try to cinch the top. No deal. My big American shoulders (and Grandma Trainor’s flabby upper arms) are not convinced that Rekha’s tiny blouses are meant for them. And in fact, they’re not. Rekha frantically buys me a plane ticket when I say all too calmly that I will pick one up tomorrow. No go. Thanks to Rekha I have the last ticket available to Kathmandu all day tomorrow, and got it by a hair. Crisis averted. I will be at the wedding, but maybe not dressed?

I pack a kurta suruwal, the traditional long shirt and trousers, but am quietly bummed not to dress in a culturally appropriate way (read: pretty). Like wearing jeans and a t-shirt to a black tie affair – maybe a visitor can get away with it, but it’s not exactly fitting.

The flight to Kathmandu is quick. You smelly, dusty, intriguing and complicated city – I am back. And so soon after leaving you. Ta-Da.

Glad to see Kanchan but she is busy –we both are. I buy much-needed topo maps before raiding her mother’s closet. Kanchan’s mother has a wardrobe full of saris. It is a little-girl-princess’ sweetest dream. I laugh and maybe even clap with elation. I was not the little-girl-princess – that was Rachie – but her nine year old incarnation would kill to play in this wardrobe. The fabrics are gorgeous, and the colors and patterns are vibrant. Just like Nepal.

I try on Gita’s custom-made blouses and they fit – it’s a miracle. None of us understand how, but we’re not too interested in trying. We find me a pink one (magenta!) and an orange one (creamsicle?) They are beautiful. Gita will help me put it on, so it doesn’t fall off, while Kanchan is at school and then work. Kanchan takes out all her gold jewelry and lends it to me so I will look like a real Nepali lady. I love her for it. She unwraps previously unopened packages of bangles for me, and lends me her favorite ring, made of an earring her grandmother had favored, which lost its pair. It is so beautiful I feel nervous. I never wear gold.

I am a perfectionist when dressing up. I want to replace my nose and ear piercing with gold like the Nepalis, but to do it right I’d have to switch the side (of my nose) with the piercing – Nepalis pierce on the left – I pierced the right. Someone should have told me that would be mighty inconvenient in Nepal someday, back when I went with a gaggle of first-year college girls to defy our parents and embrace our age. Bad planning.

I am swathed in pink tulle. Did I say that already? I take surreptitious photos of myself, which don’t come out right. I don’t care. This is fun, and I am so thankful to Kanchan and her mother for tolerating and enabling my desire to play dress up in their culture. Gita laughs that I am like a mannequin, I stand so still when she wraps the sari (itself just a long rectangle of fabric) around my waist and throws it over my shoulder. I am afraid to mess it all up, but they even have a matching bag. Cotton-candied-girly-happiness. I feel pretty.

Sudarshan’s wedding is phenomenal. I hesitate getting out of the car in the mud of the day (this is where I trip and fall, right?) but his cousin-brother proactively and kindly greets me and introduces me around. All male cousins are brothers, and all female cousins are sisters. This makes family introductions complicated but relationships sweeter. I walk into the venue, which has covered tent-walled patios, as well as a banquet hall. I am more nervous. Everyone is looking at me, I think, because I am a bideshi in a sari. Is it good or bad to want to look like you are of a culture from which you do not come?

I “Namashkar,” hands folded, until I’m pink in the face. Namashkar is Namaste with great respect. I don’t know who to greatly respect here, and so I greatly respect everyone. People are very kind to me about my “dherai sano” (very small) Nepali and pretty sari – they say both are “dherai ramro.” I think everyone else is looking pretty “dherai ramro” too. There are mostly elders there – we are waiting for the parade.

Forty minutes later a parade arrives. There are musicians – almost a drum core’s worth of drummers, brass, and a clarinetist who can whale. Or does he wail? They are amazing. I think they could school American professional musicians, they are so good. The drummers are just phenomenal, too. But they lose my attention. A white car drives up behind them, flanked and preceded by an extended family’s worth of women in auspiciously-colored red saris, all on foot. They come bearing gifts, like the three kings, except by the dozen, all foods carefully prepared and wrapped in red plastic wrap. And they are followed by Sudarshan.

The car is decorated with long strands of flowers and the initials ‘S & S’, written in streamers. Out steps someone whom I have never met before. He looks like a king, and holds himself like one, and it is just tremendous to behold. It is Sudarshan, and it is not. My friend who so innocuously wears jeans and American-style t-shirts is wearing a multi-colored (rangichangi!) pair of pants, shirt, and shoes, all made of the same woven fabric, the style of which is widely seen in topis (mens’ hats) here. He has a thick white band of fabric around his torso, from his upper ribs to the top of his hips, which seals the effect, emphasizing how lean and tall he is. Hair freshly cut, he wears a necklace made of grass around his neck, and another made of marigolds. His shoes are pointed and elfin slip-ons, and beneath the crest of his forehead, where his topi rests, there is a large tika, the deep red blessing his family, friends, and priest have begun to give him, which is made of rice mixed with yoghurt, red-dye, and other foods to make it stick. Sudarshan looks stunning. I am flabbergasted. It is unlike anything I have ever seen before in my life.

Perhaps nervous, he stands from the car and comes straight over to me, adoring friends and family watching with enthusiasm. I don’t know what to do – if he were American, or this were America, or any combination of the two, I would kiss his cheek, or hug him, but we are both in such very different roles from any for which I know the script. Does a woman in a sari hug a man about to be wedded? I play it safe and go with ‘no.’ Instead I stand feeling great fondness and awe and just gape. We talk about something that is nothing, like how I got there. I want to shout “Holy Crap, Sudarshan!” but smush it down inside. I attempt propriety.

Sudarshan gets married. It is a long process, and I am not supposed to be there. The women of the groom’s side (of which, on this day, I am one) are at his house, with his mother, who does not attend the wedding. They are wearing red in abundance, as I find out later, and they are dancing, and singing, and preparing the house for the arrival of the new resident – the bride. There are traditional tests to be set, foods to be put out, rice grains to be laid out in little piles on the floor. Ritual abounds.

Being a bideshi means I can stay at the wedding, though, and I watch rapt for almost all of the 5 hours it takes for the marriage ceremony to take place. I wish that I could write it out like the artist Maira Kalman would, and show it all in artistic glimpses, but I would never stop talking and my stories are already so long.

The rituals are glorious. There are relationships formed and broken; there are food and drink and tika prepared and drank and eaten and blessed and bestowed; there are tears on many sides, mine included. Ground is covered as the bride and groom walk around the center of the ceremonial space, with fire smoking in the middle; prayers read out at high speed by old Brahmin priests from both families; feet are washed; money given. The band trills and then builds with the emotion of the moment – I think they are playing my heartstrings like a movie would, as the music swells when Sudarshan puts an orangey powdery tika on the center of the forehead of his bride, the mark of a newlywed woman, which she wears only today – tomorrow it will be red. When he does it she cries. She left her family’s house this morning and will not return there to live again in this life. The transition, to my bideshi point of reference, is brutally abrupt. I think of how slowly I moved out of my own parents’ house, how unofficial the process is until the day when suddenly you realize that you do not live there anymore, and will not again.

The bride is gorgeous. She wears a red sari and copious amounts of beautiful gold,  her equally red veil flecked with shiny reflective sequins hanging low over her forehead, adorned by a gold ornament. Her hands are clasped much of the time, arms adorned with as many red and gold bangles as they can hold, and her gaze is fixed in a permanently downward direction, demure. I check in with Kanchan later – are Hindu women not supposed to look up or look excited while they are married? They are not. Oh good, I think. I didn’t know what to make of that. The next day I tell this to Sudarshan and his bride (who I see has beautiful eyes) and we laugh.

There is too much to tell. The wedding ends when the couple moves through a ritual to transition the woman’s primary relationship from her parents to her husband. She cries, and then when she gets into the car with Sudarshan, her mother sobs. Her daughter has left her home, and although she will see her again, this is for good. Sudarshan’s father brings a gorgeous, scripted, framed invitation to the young woman’s father, to invite him to the reception the former will host the next day. It is a formality, and the men embrace. Her father’s composure breaks at last, and my own chest shudders with emotion. The Nepalis are better prepared for this process –they anticipate the tears, even celebrate them gleefully as a critical part of the ceremony. I am crying silently between parked motorcycles, in a hot pink sari. It’s all so incredibly beautiful, and so devastatingly sad. I am so moved. I love ceremonies, although I don’t pay attention when I’m the one who is in them. My friend Anobha who is also from Yale and a Nepali tells me I will have to have a Nepali wedding, no matter who I marry. I tell her I’ll wear a red sari. It’s auspicious.

I’m a little obsessed with the saris.

I am invited back to Sudarshan’s house, and I go, although the sari is starting to feel like those party dresses my mother put us in when we were kids, with big silky bows that were so pretty until they were so annoying because I just wanted to be wearing pants. I remind myself to relish the opportunity to wear one, though, and I do.

I have no idea what I am in for at Sudarshan’s. We board a bus, rented for the occasion. I still hear the band. It reverberates in my head – god those drums were good. No, wait – it reverberates on the ceiling!! THE BAND IS ON THE ROOF OF THE BUS. I am ecstatic. I laugh out loud. Sudarshan’s extended family members grin at my pleasure, the young teenagers sing Nepali songs extra loud, and everyone we pass stops to look. Most smile and understand and share the joy. I can see a single black and white sneaker hanging over the edge of the bus’ roof, its owner trumpeting away as we sway and hustled through the bump and bustle of Kathmandu. This moment is surreal, I think. How phenomenal.

We stop at an intersection – everyone is getting off. I go with them. “Dance with me!” call Sudarshan’s bainiharu, his many cousin-sisters and cousin-of-cousin’s-sisters. We are to form our own parade, and walk behind the band, in front of Sudarshan’s car, to his home. What an event! I decide there will be a drumcore at my wedding. Where I will wear a red sari. And a tikka made of rice, dye, and yoghurt. And bangles.

I dance a bit with the bainis (little sisters) but feel sheepish, am afraid to step on my sari and inadvertently pull it off, am wearing shoes two sizes too small, and am already being stared at by everyone we pass. There is a GIANT bideshi wearing a sari in the procession! I think they must whisper. “She’s huuuge!” I tower over the festivities like the giant Uncle Sam on the 4th of July. I mostly don’t mind.

We have fun. The music is great. Everyone gets into it. Motorcycles roll by, dogs nip at heels, a cow eyeballs us and chews lazily. I stumble along the cobblestone road in my little heels, feverish with the immense heat, fun, and celebration. I am drenched in sweat. So is the sari. We get to Sudarshan’s house and we are dancing in the street, although it’s really a lane. I am pulled suddenly into the backyard by Sudarshan’s brother to do something that is a Nepali word I don’t know or catch. But I go willingly.

I am stunned moments later to find myself in the center of a 3 foot by 2 foot rectangle of uneven sidewalk space, surrounded by more Nepali didis (older women) than I can possibly conceive of. Every inch of space from five feet off the ground to two or three feet off the ground is occupied by a continuous sea of women’s faces, each one of them beaming and expectant. There is every age, size, type of dress – the women might as well be dropping in commando-style from out of the treetops, there are so many of them. And they are all in motion. They dance to greet the bride, to welcome her home.

In fact, as I look, I see there are in fact aunties on the rooftops, lining them to take in the festivities. It is hot but now we are dancing – the women sing and drum, so well, and in the center other women dance. I dance. My shoes come off. The purse is taken away. I just flow with it. I mimic the movements of my hostesses, and am dancing with Sudarshan’s mother. She celebrates in style, a long rope of seaweed-colored green glass beads running over shoulder and down around her opposite hip, like the sash of a proud mother. This is her day, too, and you can tell.

Our arms are up in the air, and our be-bangled wrists twist in circles to make the choraa flash and clink in celebration, as we spin in circles and the long tails of the saris arc gracefully behind. The Nepali women I can see delight in my participation, so I let myself go. I stop watching, and I just dance.

A short while later I manage to escape the ecstatic circle of celebrants, and video the meeting of the parties – the men come from dancing with one another in the front, the women from the back, and they meet on the walkway between the houses, where we crush all of the plants with the steps of hundreds of feet. The music builds, the newlyweds walk through the mix, bride with head-bowed, groom narrowly avoiding being swept into the dancing crowd. Only his side and his family is present today – the bride’s family is at home, quiet, and a little sad.

There is more ceremony before the bride can enter the house, and when she does she steps from circular pile of rice and grains to circular pile, as if they were flagstones in a garden walk. When she enters Sudarshan’s room she must find her key to the home in a pile of rice, and Sudarshan’s mother tests her new daughter-in-law, kindly. I note with happy warmth the kindly way in which the women in particular receive the new family member – they have been here before. They know the fear and the hope and the excitement, and they are even gentler to the bride than the extended family’s men are, when they give the newlyweds their gifts. Every family member gives Sudarshan and Santa an envelope or a gift apiece. Santa’s job is to lay her forehead to the giver’s bare feet, in thanks, but many of those gifting catch her forehead in their hands, which both suffices and provides a reprieve, and also a benediction. The women in particular catch her forehead higher than the men, sometimes bowing to her instead, and smiling generously into her eyes. “Don’t be scared,” I think their eyes say. “We receive you with love.”

The gifts of the immediate family take a long, long time, and I am exhausted. I sit in the small room in a privileged seat, next to the bride and groom, that I may take it all in. At the end Sudarshan arranges a ride for me back to the road, and instead, I am taken all the way back to Kanchan’s. I am so thankful, because I am so, so tired.

And so the gorgeous day, full of so much mystique, intrigue, and ceremony, closes on me thus:

A bideshi, swathed in a length of pink fabric, now moist with the sweat of a hundred emotions and about as many dance steps, gathers her sari between her legs, clasping the extra fabric tightly there to prevent it from becoming entangled in the wheels of the motorcycle, and sits precariously, carefully, elatedly side-saddle, on the back of the young uncle’s motorcycle. Oversized feet peeking out of high heels are tucked precipitously sideways onto the slender platform for tiny, graceful Nepali feet, and off we go. Into the night, side-saddle, a blur of pink and pale white skin, heels hooked in wherever they’ll fit, one hand on the man’s shoulder, another on the back of the seat, holding on, hard. People turn to look in surprise at the bideshi in a sari, on the back of a bike, and away into the dusk and chaos of Kathmandu’s traffic we drive, fast, as my heart simultaneously clenches down with fear and leaps out of me with the sheer joy and elation of the moment, and the day.

And that, my friends, was the end of Sudarshan’s wedding.

-M-

It’s Gettin’ Hot in Here…

It is swelteringly hot in Nepal. Sticky, skin-clinging, little-bubbles-of-perspiration running along the concave slope of my upper lip kind of hot. The monsoon season may be coming, but it sure as hell ain’t in a hurry.

Yesterday I went with my new friend Deepak for a long walk to see the tremendous Setikhola gorge (khola is river in Nepali), a deep, beautiful, treacherous gorge which literally and innocuously drops out from amidst the foliage on the side of the road, and down several hundred feet to a chalky white river below, which boils with the outwash of the many miles it has traveled since leaving the Himalaya. It was just gorgeous, and completely breath-taking. Deepak told me stories of all the people who had died from walking too close to the edge of the rapidly eroding hillside, and as we walked around to the other end we watched three white women (who almost by definition are tourists) who had been wandering along where we had just stood, albeit much less cautiously, climb onto the edge of the gorge’s face without hesitation. From our vantage point we could see that in their focus on getting a good picture of the viewshed, however, they failed to realize that there was only a little over a foot of soil and plant matter below them before their little outcropping dropped off and away, possibly towards death. Too far to yell and tell them otherwise, and afraid to startle them from their tenuous perch, I turned my back, lest they actually fall, and we continued to walk.

We continued and passed along the back roads, through the villages that surround the true city part of Pokhara, and Deepak, who is both a 1st year Master of Science student at Ban Campus and a middle and high school science teacher at a local boarding school, enlightened me as to the trees and plants with which he was familiar. We saw what I have been told is the “early” (or pre-monsoonal) rice growing knee-high in the little angular plots fracturing the country into a patchwork of food and cultivation when seen from the sky, but now devoid of the water one imagines when one pictures rice paddies, because we haven’t had the rain. Yet.

As we walked we were passed by tiny old women hauling huge assemblages of grasses, fodder, and firewood on their heads, or hanging off their backs in long baskets designed for the carrying, which are sold by the side of the road in a myriad of sizes so that children and teenagers can haul materials as well. Small children played “football” on both sides with worn old soccer balls, so well kicked and treasured that there were no identifying brand markings left on them, and little air within. The children would occasionally pause their games to call out a sassy “HELLO!” to me, showing off their English and seeking acknowledgment of their very presence here. I almost always answer, sometimes amusing myself by answering the English-speaking children in Nepali, and the Nepali-speaking ones in English.

When I took a day off to relax a little last Saturday, I was very kindly invited along to a hotel pool with a group of women from the Christian mission down the road. We had exchanged numbers with the possibility of spending time together, but to be truthful I was unsure of whether we would actually follow up – our roles in this country are so different, our reasons for being so divergent. But they invited me on a hot day when I was restless to get away from my laptop, and so along I went, appreciative of the gesture. As we walked the women I was with ignored the little calls of “Hello!” and “Namaste,” and upon my commenting that I found it cute, laughed with a touch of sarcasm and said that that was, “one word for it.” I myself see that the calls can be redundant, and occasionally perhaps a touch obnoxious when they are repeated ad nauseum (sometimes you get the, “hellohellohellohellohello-hellohelloHELLOOOOOOOO!!!” kid, which, let’s face it, probably would have been me as a child), but to me it’s a window to a different perception of a bideshi, and an opportunity to open the door to communication with community members who watch carefully as you either acknowledge or ignore their beloved children.

Children are prized above all in Nepal, as are families. Nothing is as important as having a family, and nothing will come in the way of marriage, that all important first step to parenthood. My western views are therefore kept to myself unless I am asked for them explicitly, as to say you don’t plan to have children is like saying very seriously that you plan to birth monkeys – it simply cannot be understood, and isn’t even perceived as funny. For reasons that go far beyond the limits of access to birth control, having children does not occur to most Nepalis as something that is a matter of choice. And despite the fact that this leaves little room for me to be completely honest with those I meet about who I truly am, and my own desires regarding (not) having children, I find the dedication to family and to rearing offspring charming. This is a culture that knows what it wants – babies – and says so without reticence.

So to acknowledge a child, and especially one speaking a “foreign” language at such a young age, is to open a door to understanding, and friendship, with their parents, and to an interesting and potentially enjoyable interaction with the little kid. To ignore that same child…well it closes a door. Hard.

And imagine for a moment the converse – put yourself in the position of the local person, sitting on your property on a hot summer day in the States with your small child sitting next to you, who by some amazing bit of education and intellect is learning, let’s say, some Spanish. And there goes your three or four-year-old in a diaper (do three and four year olds wear diapers?), trotting across the lawn towards some folks walking up the street, who perhaps look Spanish, or perhaps don’t (it is irrelevant), and cheerfully greeting them with a big-eyed “HOLA!” and warming your heart. Now imagine that those people don’t even turn their heads from their conversation to acknowledge your beautiful, brilliant child, but continue walking without a glance of acknowledgment in your or your baby’s direction. You get the picture.

I must admit here – I absolutely bristle with anger just at writing about this behavior from my fellow bideshi.

And so on my walk with Deepak as with the Bideshi, I greeted everyone who greeted me, and was rewarded with the smiles of ancient old hajuraamas (grandmas), faces crinkling up into papery smiles, worn at the corners of the mouth with age and an abundance of sunshine, as their brilliant grandbabes toddled after me, shyly mumbling “namaste,” with hands folded in front of them as if in prayer, or else calling out a happy “hello!”

Despite the onerous heat I relished the walk through the countryside, and learning the names of all the plants, and how they are grown, even as I forgot the plant names with every new one learned. I learned that the giant eucalyptus plants which seem to be so randomly seeded across the landscape are in fact delineating the boundaries of property, lest the ownership of critical food crops be confused in their absence. I pulled immature rice grains from their little husks, and marveled at the guava, banana, corn, rice, mango, and eucalyptus growing in each family’s yards, along with the occasional buffalo (of aforementioned questionable species differentiation, from my suburban point of view), cows, chickens and goats. I’ve told Deepak that when, in a month’s time, the rice in his fields are ready for harvesting, I would very much like to help.

Our walk eventually took us to Lakeside, the touristy area, which I promise myself little relaxing trips to when I am a little overstressed or feel behind, but which I never follow up on. It’s like my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to keep me pressing on when I am tired, but I rarely get there to do what I thought I would, and accept this as part and partial to my nature, and the way I approach my work. Yesterday was no exception to this rule. I was most tempted to sit at a café overlooking Phewa Tal (Tal is lake in Nepali), staring vacantly into the now-dark night, and drink something blended, tropical fruit-based, and cold (with perhaps just ali ali alcohol in it).

Instead I realized we would need to eat, as I was missing the dinner hour at the Ban Campus cafeteria, and saw as Deepak steered us towards a back alley, viewless, overly warm open-air restaurant that in my American foolishness, I had neglected to take into consideration that Deepak would not be able to afford (nor see any sense in paying for) the inflated prices for food that would be found along the lake’s perimeter. I had thought that I might pay for us both, but saw as I glanced longingly at the warmly-lit paper lanterns and stained wood of the upstairs balcony of “Caffe Concerto”  while we passed, that, like an American, Deepak would not go to a place where he could not afford to pay his own way. Perhaps that pride is universal. I found it endearing.

So instead, we each got the 750ml bottles of Tuborg that for me entails a perfect buzz-in-a-bottle, and chatted at length about field research, graduate school, and my project over curry. I am very lucky to have met Deepak, I thought as I sat there, because he is truly and 100% only interested in me as a new and very different friend, with a vantage point on the world that he is interested in learning about, and with whom he hopes to share the marvels of his home and country. Many times in Nepal I am spoken to exclusively by young men (as young as or younger than my younger brother!), which is frustrating only in that it’s so completely not the kind of attention I’m looking for, and turns the young women of about my age away from me. In starting friendships with men while abroad I am perennially naïve, and usually just glad for someone with whom to speak. Many women around my age who travel abroad will bring and wear a faux wedding ring for this very reason, but I find doing so disingenuous, and couldn’t fill the story in when prompted to talk about my “husband” if I tried. And so I have become known around Ban Campus for being not just American, but of marrying age and single.

Deepak and I met for the first time in a little corrugated-metal-roofed shop just outside the campus gates, where I had gone for a cold soda (anything cold!) and he was lingering after a day’s work. He asked me exclusively about my research, and did not have a thing to say or ask about my marital status, existence as a solo researcher, or age. I liked him immediately, but was still wary of wrong impressions, and worse, of potentially damaging my burgeoning friendships with faculty here by somehow accidentally ending up dating (or, more likely, romantically perplexing) one of their students. Instead I requested what amounted to a reference check from the faculty members I’ve come to know, very blatantly and well-meaningly inquiring as to whether they thought I’d find myself in a bad situation and be misinterpreted if I spent time with him alone, as a friend. I told Deepak I had done this last night, to his amusement, which is the only reason I feel comfortable writing it here.

The faculty said they thought I would be fine, however, and so here we were, sitting in the dark, swatting mosquitoes, and talking about social science research and sampling methods (do you ask questions of everyone in the household? Do you just ask the men questions? How do you get the women to answer the questions? How did the Professor choose the villages? What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned so far? How do they use the money they make doing community forestry?) It was pretty fun, and a nice way to end the day. As we walked back the pavement literally sizzled and steamed with the most recent drizzle of rain, and I felt the heat coming off of it in thick waves. I asked if we could take a taxi (which are an expensive 400 rupees, or almost $6) back to Ban Campus, as after the Tuborg I had had to pee, but sans flashlight hadn’t been able to bring myself to enter into the miniature barn-like stall where the squat toilet hole was, outside and alongside the restaurant. I didn’t say as much about having to pee, but Deepak took my cue and asked me, very sincerely, “Are you suffering long, or short?”

I gave a little snort of laughter, and said I wasn’t quite “suffering,” exactly, and what did he mean by long or short? Apparently in Nepali if you have to urinate you are suffering “short” (for the time you will spend in the bathroom), and should you have to defecate, well then you’d be in for the long suffering. I loved this, and burst out into little chuckles as we walked along looking for a taxi. When one eventually came I let Deepak do the negotiating (almost everything is negotiable in Nepal), and when the driver said 350 rupees (a not unfair price), I played my part of bideshi to perfection, urging Deepak to continue walking with me until the driver reneged, and brought the price down to 300Rs (about $4). Damn those crafty tourists, eh?

All in all it was an excellent end to a long day, and very enjoyable. When I returned to the hostel, however, it was HOT. And dark, as the lights had gone again, and there was no knowing when they would be back. I used my cell phone as a flashlight as I opened the padlock to my apartment, and speculated as to whether cellulars are used more often in Nepal as flashlight, or as phone. Probably the former. I headed into my room and flipped my little maglite on, setting it up as a little lantern, and opened ‘Shadows on the Grass,’ the accompaniment to ‘Out of Africa,’ which I hadn’t had the heart to start the night before after finishing the latter work, as I lay on my bed, face in the fan, choked up with sobs for poor Karen Blixen and her now long-lost adopted country, and many lost friends.

In short order, however, the heat sans fan became intolerable, and I could neither sit nor lie on the bed without being overwhelmingly overheated. And so I, in a moment of divine inspiration, made my way into the bathroom in tank top and underwear, turned on the shower head, and stepped giddily into it like the little girl of my childhood, who delighted in running into sprinklers fully dressed. Once completely soaked I headed back towards my room, still dripping with water and not the least bit interested in rubbing any of it off with my towel, laid right down on my bed, and felt straight to sleep, little beads of water left to their own devices as they began to evaporate off of my skin.

-M-