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A Note from the Field

There is something…special about the perspective you gain in the moment when, struggling to walk along the sheer edge of a bari, or rice paddy, in a monsoonal downpour, boots soaked with water and riddled with leeches, and panic rising into your throat as you contemplate yet another day of not finishing even a fraction of what you set out to accomplish, you are able to pull back, up, and away from your little personal tragedy, like a dramatic shot from a helicopter in a docu-drama, and see the bigger picture of where you are, what you’re doing, and why.  For me, yesterday, the big picture came into focus in almost the exact same moment as when I slipped off the sheer face of the bari, mud wall cascading down and flooding the plot I sought to circumnavigate, and fell into the six inch deep pool of rainwater, mud, and more than a few tadpoles and leeches it contained. Oh, for the love of god. What the hell am I doing here?

I wondered, in that precise moment, how exactly it had come to pass that someone so ordinary and (let’s be honest) in almost all ways unremarkable as myself came to be here in Nepal, having this epic adventure almost by accident, scaling bari walls, peeling off blood-swollen slugs, rain dripping in torrents down the length of my nose, datasheets tucked securely into a waterproof folder and under an armpit, in such a way which, were it put to film, would look like something straight out of National Geographic Adventure. Who am I that I thought I could do this? And why didn’t I ask National Geographic for funding??

If not National Geographic, at least, I and my dramatic fall from the rice paddy could probably qualify for a stint on National Geographic’s “Greatest Bloopers in the field,” were they ever to create that show.

As I extracted my right boot from the muddy water with a great sucking “sploosh!” and the displacement of more than a few fledgling rice seedlings, I saw with great clarity and more than a little bit of humility that in coming to Nepal I have found, and achieved, much more than I ever bargained for, or even ever contemplated in my wildest dreams. Even if I am only half done with my forest sampling. And even, in fact, were I never to complete any of my forest sampling. The point is I made it happen – I came, I saw, and I experienced. I was right in the middle of it, so vividly and all-consumingly engaged in the culture and the science that for awhile I stopped seeing what I was and being myself, and just got the work done. And I wondered, standing in six inches of soggy rice bari, if maybe that wasn’t the point, afterall.

We were rained out, in some manner or other, for three days this week, which felt a lot like the moment in softball right before you get hit by one of those wild windmill pitches that were so popular in high school, and yet so hard to throw. You see the ball is coming towards you and attempt to react and dodge it, but know deep down inside that the ball is going to hit you hard on one of the soft parts of your body, and leave a bruise. Most of the time when this happens, as I recall, you swing anyway.

So we swung away three days in a row, making the early morning trip to field sites, eating breakfast, getting all ready to go before having our plans crushed by the uncontrollable, by the weather. The first day we did all of the sampling in a forest called Puranapani (Old Waters) with the exception of three 10×10 meter plots, before we got rained out. We attempted to wait the rain out over tea, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t continue for three days, until this morning.

The second day we attempted a different forest, promising ourselves we’d return to Puranapani to finish in the early morning on our next “day off,” which is currently being pushed farther and farther away. This one was called Alaichibari Tin Khola Pari Pakha (which means something about the former Lychee plantation by the junction of three rivers), and were trumped by one of the rivers, which had swollen to a raging mass of gray water and tumbling stones. I felt mild trepidation at the size of the river, but was determined to cross it, until I turned around to see my entire team (which as I said, shifts personalities almost daily) huddled under umbrellas, ensconced in my raingear, and looking decidedly uninterested in crossing any river in that moment. As many Nepalis, including two of my regular assistants, can’t swim at all, I could somewhat empathize, but it was with great chagrin that I received word via Bina’s translation that the community forest president, a kind of contemporary village chieftain, was refusing to give me the support of any of his community members until the river waters went down. We weren’t going anywhere, and so instead I stood on the banks of the river, looking woefully across at the itty-bitty bit of forest we had hoped to sample (something like 10.63 hectares), and watched another storm, and more rain, roll in.

So we returned to the Hemja Rangepost from which we’d started, to regroup (as you may have noticed, we do a lot of regrouping in these parts), where after a long and circuitous conversation about potential alternatives, the forest guard offered to take us to one of my less accessible forests, Majuwa, where we could stay the night before beginning work early the next morning, rain hopefully notwithstanding.

I know I mentioned at the outset of my field research days that I was anticipating nights spent in the community forest villages, but there was a sort of – invisible barrier – preventing me from reaching this now overwhelmingly apparent-seeming conclusion, and from actually going to the community to take the data in the forests there. It took this Forest Guard looking me in the eye and asking me if I wanted to go (now?) to get me to actually articulate, and realize, that – yes – I do want to go now. Or at least, that I did.

What followed was stupidly expensive, exhausting, and productive. We three student-types rushed back to Pokhara to gather our things for the night, as the forest guard would only take us if we returned within two hours, in order to make the “two to three hour” hike in. Upon arriving we hurtled ourselves up the hill, until I began to drag behind a bit, and the pace slowed. We arrived at the community forest president’s home (a different cf president) in Majuwa in the early evening, and plopped ourselves down on the picnic table style bench set facing the modest shop that fronted his home, where we chatted like a bunch of casual hikers until the forest guard saw his opening, and asked if we could stay the night. It was that quick.

In Nepal, it is customary in the villages to be able to ask for a night’s lodging and food, without much eyebrow raising involved. It is difficult to get into and out of the villages, in many parts of the country, and monsoonal weather, bandhs (strikes), political unrest, landslides, and other uncontrollable events somewhat regularly necessitate a stay with people and families who are otherwise unknown. The Nepali habit of calling all older male family members “uncle” and the same of the women “aunt” means there is a much larger network of people who could generously be called one’s family, upon which a person can rely for lodging, but in the case that no one is known to you, you are not quite so out of luck as you would be in the good old U.S. of A.

So we knew we would find a place to sleep, but it is a strange thing to politely and conversationally invite yourself into someone else’s home, and to displace their teenage son from his room in the process. In the end, Bina and I took what was undoubtedly the nicer room in the two story, concrete slab constructed home, with two wooden bed platforms, upon which a mattress was constructed out of woven mats layered and then covered with the remnants of an old comforter – one so far gone and thin with wear that we in the US might be more likely to reserve it for the comfort and use of a pet than for people. The “mattress” was paired with a thick covering comforter, also made of old blankets folded into a kind of thin, cheap, and threadbare duvet cover of sorts. This kind of bed is fairly typical of Nepal, and despite the dramatic differences from what we are accustomed to in the States, it’s really quite comfortable. We had purchased a mosquito coil to burn on our way up the hill because the windows have permanent open slats at the top for ventilation, and it was thus that we spent the night. The young male student and the forest guard stayed in the little mud and brick house that was behind the building with the storefront, likely in similar accommodation but in a more traditional style of room.

Before dinner we walked down the hill to the forest’s edge with several important men of the community forest, who told us about the forest, it’s boundary, the number of strata (subdivisions made according to forest species composition, or management type), and provided other logistical information. Bina and our current student assistant were good about translating for me, and as we spoke little children seemed veritably to climb out of the bushes and down from the hills, until we were flanked by a little posse of children of all ages, twelve in number. They stood at our elbows and nosed into the circle to listen and peak at a map the cf treasurer was drawing, and a group of small girls stood at my right arm, running their fingers up and down my forearm as they admired the green glass choora I’m wearing at present, as this month in the Nepali calendar is a month in which women are especially reverent, and wear green glass bracelets for one of the female gods who cares for women, and red glass bracelets for the health, well-being, and good fortune of their husbands. I myself was gifted an armload of both red and green bracelets from a female Range Post staff member and so have been wearing them daily, but removed the red ones in a hurry after a male Nepali friend suggested that since I’m single, perhaps my red bracelets are ensuring the health, well-being, and good fortune of my ex-boyfriend! I’ll be having none of that, thank you very much.

And so the girls gigglingly perused my relatively pale white arms with their little tanned fingertips while I struggled to catch the details in Nepali, before making the trek back up the hill to kill time and wait for khana (dinner, or rice). While we were down there we had the community forest’s treasurer make a map of the forest and the different strata for us on a little piece of paper, something I’d like to explore the use of in future fieldwork. I’m interested in the relationship between what the community forestry members know or think is present, and what’s actually there, and have found so far (in a qualitative, not quantitative sense) that they are extremely accurate in their mapping, knowledgeable about their forests, and cognizant about the forest boundaries, despite their appearing to be one, big, contiguous forest to you or me. This indigenous knowledge is something we talked about a lot this last year at Yale, and it’s a compelling, fascinating element of understanding forest management, in my very recent experience.

After such a long and crazily energy intensive (but unproductive) day, we chowed down hard on dinner, and it was delicious. The food in the communities is generally produced by the family serving it, or by their neighbors, and you can taste the difference. I reveled in the delicious food, eaten in a smoky, mud-walled kitchen room in the back building while we were seated on the floor on little woven straw mats, Indian-style. The Nepali students eat their food extremely quickly, like it’s about to up and disappear in front of them, which is consistent with people throughout Nepal, from what I’ve seen. I attempted to the same once or twice, but found that all it made me want to do was burp, so have reverted to the slower, relish-the-moment style of American food consumption. Which means, of course, that when everyone else is finished slurping the last bits of Daal (lentils) out of their little metal bowl, I’m still sloppily scooping up wet bits of Daal Bhaat in my fingertips, achar and tarkaari mixed in for flavor.

On this night we went back to the room after dinner to chat a bit, and then retired early, anticipating an early morning of work to wrap the plot up promptly. I had brought the smaller of my two backpacking sleeping bags, which looked incredibly incongruous and synthetic in the very organic, rustic setting, but provided a soft, soothing, sense of home and comfort to me as I finished brushing the creepy crawlies off my bed. I love sleeping in a sleeping bag (and would do so all the time if that wouldn’t be such a weird thing for my friends to see!), so was glad to settle into the bag in the surprisingly chilly evening air, pulling the head part of the mummy bag up behind me and the sides close around my shoulders. I fell asleep in an instant, and awoke in the morning to the most delightful mountain chill (and copious amounts of fog) I’ve experienced in all of my time in Nepal. It was fantastic, and I dragged lethargically as I pulled myself from my sleep, reminding myself that it was my project we were there to do, after all.

What followed was a fairly productive, fairly enjoyable day in the forest, made more so by the community forest treasurer’s apparent interest in my research/me, and his funny, intrigued questions and thoughtful use of the English language in articulating them. The day passed almost effortlessly, in fact, and before I knew it we had wrapped up Majuwa community forest, had finished plucking a few lingering slimy leeches from our shins and toes, and were relishing one last delicious daal bhaat meal before tearing down the mountain, out to catch a bus and cruise back to Ban Campus, and home.

I wrote this post on July 30th after a long day in the field, but haven’t had a moment to do the editing since, which is why it’s only being posted now. I’m in Lakeside (again! I know, I know) for the day to do more data entry, in anticipation of our last, week-long blitz on the community forests of Nepal. By my count we are eight field days shy of done, and – please god – let those be some fiercely sun-shiney days. Eight days from now is one day after my personal deadline, and a little over a week from my departure flight, giving me some time to relax, explore the area some more, and maybe even have some fun(!)

I am awed by the pace of this experience, though, and by how much I’ve learned and how little I did, in terms of the original scale of my project (and the latter is not necessarily a bad thing). I knew it would need to be cut down in size and all-inclusiveness from the get-go, but find at the moment a certain wistfulness coming over me, a chagrin at all the good questions thus far left unanswered, and a hesitation to leave without doing so many of the academic, social, and recreation activities I aspired to, in my naïve early days in the country. At the same time I am pretty damn proud of my progress, how much I’ve learned, and even more so, how much I’ve seen. I don’t have any conclusive results, yet (in a personal sense), but I have a lot of new perspective, and anticipate taking some much-needed me time before heading back to the States, and determining my next direction and set of personal priorities.

I have two forests to go in terms of those that I absolutely must finish sampling, and four total. One is a tiny one-day affair, and the first two are sizeable. We’ll get them done, though, because where there’s a will, there’s a way, and I have nothing if not will power. In fact, some days I think I have nothing but willpower.

8 forests down, 4 to go, and 15 days (at absolute most) to get it all done in. 16 days to American food and my family and friends, 17 days to the beach, and 24 to Yale. I feel so content, so good, so ready. Let’s get this shizzle over with, eh?

Namaste,
-M-

Carol Smith of Elle in the New York Times

I’ve never heard of Carol Smith before, but I read the New York Times for a reality check about once per week, and since today is my day off (aka it rained! Finally – the farmers here really needed it), I was cruising the NYT homepage and found this article, an interview with the Chief Brand Officer from Elle magazine group.

She pretty much took the words (about being in charge) right out of my mouth. What I would add, however, is that in thinking about my own leadership these last two weeks, I’ve concluded that it’s women, more often than men, who need to win over employers in order to get good work out of them. Men are allowed and expected to be assertive (”you did this right,” “here’s what I want you to do next time,” “this is what I need you to do better,”) whereas women get more pushback from that kind of direct, assertive talk (and very little productive work out of it). When I speak assertively or directly to my fieldcrew about what I need them to do, I get a fair amount of negative murmuring and quiet grumbling, and very little adherence to my instructions. Now this could be cultural, social, or personal, but it’s definitely there. I haven’t had this much time or opportunity to reflect on group dynamics in quite awhile, but my field crew is of late providing plenty of food for thought…

One final thought on the article – regarding never hiring people you don’t like. This is a lesson I learned very early in my career, during an early summer field research experience, and which was reaffirmed for me in one of my professional positions more recently. In both cases there was a highly desirable candidate, competed for by other potential employers, whom a boss of mine sought and obtained as an employee. Both of them immediately rubbed me the wrong way for different reasons, and seemed to have egos bigger than the positions they would be hired to fill. I tend to have a good instinct for people and personalities in this capacity, which held true in both instances, and reached out to my bosses to share my reservations, in a politically and professionally appropriate way.

In both circumstances the candidate in question was an egotistical man a little too big for his britches, and in both cases he was hired despite my quiet (and in the latter case, incredibly direct) objections, and in both cases, the candidate left the job or dropped out of the program within the first year of the opportunity he had been given. I don’t think I would have put the two together if it weren’t for the employer from the earlier case, with whom I’m still in contact, and who always recalls when we’re speaking how I cautioned her against picking up the “employee” in question, and how she went against my intuition and regretted her decision when the candidate became a nuisance to her own career.

Two cases doesn’t prove the rule, but it does provide a good reminder that anyone you’re going to spend as much time with as an employee, and especially a field crew employee, should be someone that you really, really like, someone that you can converse easily with, and someone who you enjoy talking to. More importantly in my case, perhaps, it should be someone whom you can look into the eyes of, and imagine towing their weight, and holding up under a little hard work. Because the only thing harder than holding up under your own hard work ethic day after day, is holding yourself up while also propping up everyone else.

7.3 forests to go. See you on the flipside, when I hope to be down to 3. Here we go, here we go!

-M-

A Quick Update in the Vernacular

Whew.

With that, I am at long last up-to-date, and you (faithful readers) are brought into the present tense. I’ve omitted a few posts for dicey content (sorry) that is fine for America but poorly suited for Nepali propriety, in case my friends here ever read this, and one or two for general grumpiness (you don’t want to hear me being grumpy – really).

I’m in Lakeside, at the moment, utilizing internet at a cafe because Ban Campus’ internet is down – the rains have come, and with them all the little inconveniences such a deluge implies. So far, however, no leeches. I give thanks for little things.

My research is behind, for a long series of reasons, and I will in short order decrease the number and length of posts drastically in order to focus more closely on being in the field. I plan to do four, six-day weeks of intense works, coming down from the communities on Friday nights through Sunday mornings only to wash clothes, upload data, sleep in front of a fan in “my own bed,” and update this blog. I hope you’ll bear with me during this slight change in the programming.

To my immense pleasure and surprise, this blog is moving along nicely. The posts are too long but I am loathe to spare the details. Could you understand the gracefulness and beauty of a sari if I excluded the bit about the golden thread? Would you have empathized as the bride cried while Sudarshan applied the tikka if I didn’t explain the implications? How do I tell you why I study trees in fewer than 500 words? These are the challenges. I promise to keep working on them, though, and to be more diligent about doing so.

To date I have written 87 pages of blog posts in a Word document, approximately 80 pages of which have been posted. So no hard feelings if you are not caught up. I read each post three times before it goes up, so – so believe me, I feel ya. I’ve never written so much in my life, and feel like I’m tapping into something that has been waiting a long, long, time to find its way out.

Finally, my thanks to all for the responses to the “Not Quite Pocket Change” post. I received many thoughtful and lengthy responses, mostly by email, which warmed my heart for the generous spirit and informed manner in which my quandary was considered. I still don’t know the answer or what I will do, but I will continue to mull it over. A friend has suggested I wait until the end of the summer and just before my departure before taking any action, so that I not become pressed for more financial support and distracted from my true objective here. I think this is wide counsel, and will heed it. So you have some time if you’re still thinking it over yourselves, but still want to comment.

I apologize for including the bit about starting my own non-profit. I meant to keep that up a sleeve and not disclose it in so public a way, but 750 mL of beer and a lot of soul-searching later, out it came. I will deal with that more later – both the idea and my fear and excitement about it. We’ll see what comes.

But for now what must come (at long, friggin’, aggravation and anxiety-ridden last) is my research. It’s time to head into the field, and I am dying to go. I anticipate leeches, amazing conversations with community members, sweaty days, rinsing off in my clothes at the public water spouts in the evening, mice in my hair and probably biting at my fingertips as I sleep. Lots of humid bus rides, all kinds of adventure. Frustration – especially due to leeches, rain, and the steep slope of the mountains. Fun, working with Nepali students here in the field, on my own project. Undue amounts of anxiety and worry over whether I am doing it right, whether my question is actually any good, whether my data will show what I hope does. All lies ahead.

And with that, I’m back to the grindstone.

Namaste and a Happy 4th of July to All,

-M-